In doing my due diligence of researching certain players and organizations in the NFL for the sake of deciding which team I feel comfortable rooting for, I came across seven disturbing facts about players and members of the Washington Redskins organization.
Read on if you'd like, but I must warn you: some of these facts are a little disturbing. I have gone through the proper channels however, and I can guarantee you that these are all 100% true or my name is not James Westfall.
The Facts:
1. Robert Griffin the 3rd or better known as RG3, the new quarterback of the Redskins, likes to rape kittens.
2. Brian Orakpo gets sexually aroused by adolescent sewer rats.
3. Tim Hightower, running back, taught John Hinkley Jr. everything he knows about guns... and Jodie Foster.
4. London Fletcher beats nuns to death... with the corpse of Caylee Anthony.
5. DeAngelo Hall claims he has two heroes in life: Jerry Sandusky and Satan.
6. Neil Rackers, their kicker of all people, helps old ladies across the street and then beats them mercilessly and drags them back to the other side of the street again.
7. Mike Shanahan, head coach of the Redskins, sexually assualts his own mother on a daily basis... And she's been dead for 33 years!
Disturbing, I know. But by bringing this information about the Washington Redskins to light, maybe we can all start to heal... just a little bit.
Enjoy football season and, if you're a Redskins' fan, enjoy the 7 corridors of hell.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The 2010 Clemandot Hot Dog Eating Championship
And The Weiner Is…
On March 22, 1934 Horton Smith won the first ever Augusta National Invitational, which would later come to be known as The Masters. On January 15th, 1967 the Green Bay Packers hoisted the first Lombardi Trophy over their heads by defeating the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl I.
And now following in that winning tradition, on July 4th, 2010 Phillip Clemandot won the first ever Clemandot Hot Dog Eating Championship and is the first rightful owner of the prestigious Golden Weiner.
It was a day for celebrating Independence for sure. We were celebrating the Independence that our Fore Fathers won from the British. We celebrated the Independence that we still hold today from outside oppressions thanks to the men and women of our armed forces. And for one skinny, 13 year old boy from Wichita Falls, TX, celebrating Independence from…well fr
om never winning a hot dog eating contest. And what a celebration it was!
The competitors in this tournament traveled from far and wide. David Clemandot, Robin Murphy-Clemandot, and Phillip Clemandot traveled from all four corners of the house. And Timothy Sawyer, he even traveled from an adjacent neighborhood, nearly 5 minutes away!
The stringent qualifications for the competition ranged from “Had eaten a hot dog before” to “Had absolutely nothing better to do that day.” When the opening click of the stopwatch fired, it was clear this competition was going to come down to the two Clemandot men: David and Phillip. Both starting their third hot dog before the two minute mark, it was clear David and Phillip were in this thing to the heart burn-inducing end.
On March 22, 1934 Horton Smith won the first ever Augusta National Invitational, which would later come to be known as The Masters. On January 15th, 1967 the Green Bay Packers hoisted the first Lombardi Trophy over their heads by defeating the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl I.
And now following in that winning tradition, on July 4th, 2010 Phillip Clemandot won the first ever Clemandot Hot Dog Eating Championship and is the first rightful owner of the prestigious Golden Weiner.
It was a day for celebrating Independence for sure. We were celebrating the Independence that our Fore Fathers won from the British. We celebrated the Independence that we still hold today from outside oppressions thanks to the men and women of our armed forces. And for one skinny, 13 year old boy from Wichita Falls, TX, celebrating Independence from…well fr
om never winning a hot dog eating contest. And what a celebration it was!The competitors in this tournament traveled from far and wide. David Clemandot, Robin Murphy-Clemandot, and Phillip Clemandot traveled from all four corners of the house. And Timothy Sawyer, he even traveled from an adjacent neighborhood, nearly 5 minutes away!
The stringent qualifications for the competition ranged from “Had eaten a hot dog before” to “Had absolutely nothing better to do that day.” When the opening click of the stopwatch fired, it was clear this competition was going to come down to the two Clemandot men: David and Phillip. Both starting their third hot dog before the two minute mark, it was clear David and Phillip were in this thing to the heart burn-inducing end.
Tim and Robin, just in awe of the sheer ferocity with which the two Clemandots were attacking their hot dogs, were overheard saying things such as “I’m just going to have one hot dog, and then save room for a hamburger.” And “I think I might try to eat two.” And “Do you t
hink I could have some chips with mine, I want to enjoy it.” Ball don’t lie, indeed.
hink I could have some chips with mine, I want to enjoy it.” Ball don’t lie, indeed.However, the two-way race started to take a turn for the worse for Phillip’s strikingly handsome father at around the 5 minute mark. David was on his fifth hot dog and struggling, while Phillip was cruising through his sixth. Now seventh.
The sweat and tears were mounting for David as he was overheard quoting “Is it getting hot in here?” Then, when it looked like all hope was lost, at the 8 minute mark David noticed Phillip slowing down. Noting that he was a full two hot dogs behind the younger challenger, he made a tactical error that would ultimately seal his doom.
“I saw him slowing way down at the 8 minute mark”, David would later tell our sideline reporter, “I thought I could use this time to take a 30 second break, and then slam down two or maybe even three more hotdogs while I was rested.”
But the decision would prove to be his un-doing, as the 30 second break allowed his stomach the time it needed to send his brain the “If you stick one more damn hot dog down my throat, I’m gonna make you pay, bitch!” signal.
When it was all said and done, Phillip Clemandot was the proud new owner of the coveted Golden Weiner trophy. But more importantly than that, a new era was born. A new rivalry between the two Clemandot men. A new tradition of nobody but the two Clemandot men caring about the competition. And, most significantly…A new champion was born. A man amongst ruggedly, handsome men. On this Independence Day, Phillip Clemandot is your true Weiner!
“I saw him slowing way down at the 8 minute mark”, David would later tell our sideline reporter, “I thought I could use this time to take a 30 second break, and then slam down two or maybe even three more hotdogs while I was rested.”
But the decision would prove to be his un-doing, as the 30 second break allowed his stomach the time it needed to send his brain the “If you stick one more damn hot dog down my throat, I’m gonna make you pay, bitch!” signal.
When it was all said and done, Phillip Clemandot was the proud new owner of the coveted Golden Weiner trophy. But more importantly than that, a new era was born. A new rivalry between the two Clemandot men. A new tradition of nobody but the two Clemandot men caring about the competition. And, most significantly…A new champion was born. A man amongst ruggedly, handsome men. On this Independence Day, Phillip Clemandot is your true Weiner!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
I Want to be an ESPN Employee
Ever wondered what it takes to be a sports broadcaster for ESPN? Well, I did too. And after a slow summer on the blog network, I decided to turn in my application for employment.
Unfortunately, after reading the application I came to the deciscion that ESPN is not the place for me.
Here is the copy of the app:
Application for employment for ESPN, ESPN.com, or the ESPN family of Radio Stations
Part 1: Who are You?
Name:_________________________________________________________________
Address:______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
Part 2: References
Please list at least two qualified references for ESPN to contact.
Name(s) ______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Addresses___________________________ _____________________________
___________________________ _____________________________
___________________________ _____________________________
Part 3: Aptitude
Please circle the answer to each question that best suits you.
1. My favorite television station is:
a. ESPN b. I think I’ve picked the wrong career choice.
2. My favorite website is:
a. ESPN.com b. TMZ.com c. a and b d. Which way is the exit?
3. Would I consider myself a member of the all powerful RedSox Nation?
a. golly, would I ???? b. This may have been a mistake
4. Brett Favre’s constant retirement/un-retirement makes me feel:
a. giddy, even though I’ll pretend that it’s irritating. b. Thank you for your time
5. I believe the ranking of powerhouse conferences in college football are:
a. The Pac 10 and then everybody else. b. I’ll just show myself to the door.
6. My thoughts on the “East Coast Bias”:
a. Totally justified, but I love acting like it bothers me. b. I see this is a mistake.
7. If I ever heard that Lindsay Lohan hooked up with ARod at club Pure, I would:
a. Cream my pants b. Eww, can you even put that on an application?
8. I believe that the creator of the heavens and the earth is:
a. Jim Brown b. Seriously, I have somewhere I need to be
9. I feel that all Dallas based sports franchises are:
a. Pathetic, disgusting, and always open to ridicule. b. That’s enough, goodbye.
10. I believe the WNBA and women’s college basketball are:
a. exhilarating, and the players are hott b. Look, my pen is out of ink, can I go now?
Thank you for your application, you will be notified promptly
Unfortunately, after reading the application I came to the deciscion that ESPN is not the place for me.
Here is the copy of the app:
Application for employment for ESPN, ESPN.com, or the ESPN family of Radio Stations
Part 1: Who are You?
Name:_________________________________________________________________
Address:______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
Part 2: References
Please list at least two qualified references for ESPN to contact.
Name(s) ______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Addresses___________________________ _____________________________
___________________________ _____________________________
___________________________ _____________________________
Part 3: Aptitude
Please circle the answer to each question that best suits you.
1. My favorite television station is:
a. ESPN b. I think I’ve picked the wrong career choice.
2. My favorite website is:
a. ESPN.com b. TMZ.com c. a and b d. Which way is the exit?
3. Would I consider myself a member of the all powerful RedSox Nation?
a. golly, would I ???? b. This may have been a mistake
4. Brett Favre’s constant retirement/un-retirement makes me feel:
a. giddy, even though I’ll pretend that it’s irritating. b. Thank you for your time
5. I believe the ranking of powerhouse conferences in college football are:
a. The Pac 10 and then everybody else. b. I’ll just show myself to the door.
6. My thoughts on the “East Coast Bias”:
a. Totally justified, but I love acting like it bothers me. b. I see this is a mistake.
7. If I ever heard that Lindsay Lohan hooked up with ARod at club Pure, I would:
a. Cream my pants b. Eww, can you even put that on an application?
8. I believe that the creator of the heavens and the earth is:
a. Jim Brown b. Seriously, I have somewhere I need to be
9. I feel that all Dallas based sports franchises are:
a. Pathetic, disgusting, and always open to ridicule. b. That’s enough, goodbye.
10. I believe the WNBA and women’s college basketball are:
a. exhilarating, and the players are hott b. Look, my pen is out of ink, can I go now?
Thank you for your application, you will be notified promptly
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wade Oughta Know
We tried once again to contact The Romo Sexual about posting our weekly Dallas Cowboys blog, and once again we were turned down. He has refused any public appearances or blog postings of any kind until his beloved Tony Romo is back in full pads lining up behind center again.
However, we do have a wonderful surprise for you today. The Romo Sexual's wife, The Brady Sexual, has decided to post this week's Dallas Cowboys blog...in song!
Without further ado, here is The Brady Sexual performing, Wade Oughta Know...
However, we do have a wonderful surprise for you today. The Romo Sexual's wife, The Brady Sexual, has decided to post this week's Dallas Cowboys blog...in song!
Without further ado, here is The Brady Sexual performing, Wade Oughta Know...
Friday, October 24, 2008
The Top Ten Reasons the Dallas Cowboys will NOT make the playoffs this year.
Good morning, football fans. I know The Romo Sexual usually handles our NFL blogs, but when I contacted him last night about writing on how quickly the Cowboys have spiraled out of control, he was sobbing uncontrollably and muttered something about he was sitting in his bath tub while making toast. Not really sure what that was about.
At any rate, here it is: THE TOP 10 REASONS THE DALLAS COWBOYS WILL NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR.
10. SPECIAL TEAMS ABOUT AS SPECIAL AS A TURD IN A ZIP LOCK BAG.
This was one of the major reasons the Cowboys lost in their first home playoff game in 8 years last season. It was supposed to have been addressed in the offseason, then again in training camp, then again after week 4, and now it is supposedly being addressed again. Wade, let me give you a little help: Tell your players on special teams to tackle the guy running with the ball, not bounce off of him ala Manu Ginobli.
9. CONTRARY TO WHAT YOU GUYS MAY BELIEVE, IT IS NOT CONSIDERED A NICE GESTURE TO CONTINUALLY GIVE THE OTHER TEAM THE BALL.
The Cowboys have a -6 turnover ratio so far this season. No team can be expected to win when they keep coughing up the ball. This one goes to you especially, Marion Barber: It’s called STICK’EM. LOOK INTO IT!!!!
8. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE LEAGUE’S MOST DOMINATING OFFENSIVE LINE?
The Cowboys have the second largest offensive line in the NFL, averaging 322 lbs a piece. Last year, they were clearly the most dominant as Tony Romo was consistently seen running over to the vendor in the stands and ordering a hot dog, then pulling out his cell phone to text Jessica each time before he threw the ball. Now, it seems like he’s running for his life after every snap. OMG! WTF??
7. INJURIES, INJURIES, SON OF A BITCH MORE INJURIES!
This is where I’m a little prone to give the Cowboys a break.(No pun intended) Kind of hard to win without your Pro Bowl Quarterback, your starting Left Guard, your superstar back-up running back/special teams ace, your Pro Bowl cornerback, your Pro Bowl safety, your back-up safety, your Pro Bowl punter, and your stud 1rst round pick back-up linebacker. As I’m typing this I think I just heard Greg Ellis twist an ankle.
6. THE DEFENSIVE LINE MAKES OPPOSING OFFENSES FEEL ABOUT AS MUCH DOOM AND GLOOM AS THE EASTER BUNNY AND RAINBOW BRITE.
I know that DeMarcus Ware is currently leading the league with 9 sacks, but do we know how many he would have if he stopped letting quarterbacks get out of his arms? 50? 60?? I wish the “muffed sack” were an official NFL stat, because I’m sure the Cowboys have already broken the NFL record after just 7 games. At least we could celebrate that.
5. RED JESUS LOOKS MORE THIS YEAR LIKE LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD…AS SHE’S GETTING HER ASS KICKED!
Jason “Red Jesus” Garret is the most highly paid coordinator/assistant coach in the league. He is actually making more money than three head coaches. And all of this is based on one season of work. He was brilliant last year, but this year he seems to be sleep walking through the season. Do I run the ball? Do I not run the ball? It’s really not that hard of a question! And by the way, are we sure he’s not struggling on Sundays because he was up all night Saturday singing cover for a cross-dressing band at a gay lounge? He looks like he’s wearing mascara every game! Look this Sunday, you’ll see what I’m talking about.
4. JERRY JONES IS ONLY THREE SEMESTERS AWAY FROM GRADUATING THE AL DAVIS SCHOOL OF HOW TO COMPLETELY F*CK UP AN NFL FRANCHISE.
He hired a coach simply because he knows that coach will not stand up to him. He keeps throwing money at the problem, i.e. offensive Roy Williams. He keeps reminding the players that HE’s in control, not the coach. And he can’t seem to figure out that Popcorn does not a three squares a day make.
3. T.O. NEEDS TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT GETTING THE BALL AND START WORRYING ABOUT GETTING OPEN.
This one is a no-brainer. I know he keeps blaming double and triple coverage, but come on. We all know the truth, T.O. You don’t like getting bumped at the line of scrimmage because you’re a pansy! When you get bumped at the line of scrimmage, and there is a safety 30 yds down field, that’s not double coverage! That’s you being a pansy! Now stop being a pansy! Stop it!
2. THE SECONDARY COVERS OPPOSING OFFENSES ABOUT AS CONSISTENTLY AS BRITNEY SPEARS COVERS HER WHO-WHO!
This is probably the most painful one to watch each week. Every time, and I mean EVERY TIME they’ve got their opponents at third and long, somehow a wide receiver seems to get open 25 yards down the field. How is this even possible? What are these guys doing back there? I know Terrence Newman is hurt, but it wasn’t any different the two games he was there. I know Pac Man is out making it rain some place but it wasn’t any different when he was in there either. The Cowboys need to start pulling people in off the street and giving them a try. Hell, it couldn’t possibly be any worse!
And the #1 reason the Dallas Cowboys will not make the post season this year…
I don’t need to say anything more. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go throw up.
At any rate, here it is: THE TOP 10 REASONS THE DALLAS COWBOYS WILL NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR.
10. SPECIAL TEAMS ABOUT AS SPECIAL AS A TURD IN A ZIP LOCK BAG.
This was one of the major reasons the Cowboys lost in their first home playoff game in 8 years last season. It was supposed to have been addressed in the offseason, then again in training camp, then again after week 4, and now it is supposedly being addressed again. Wade, let me give you a little help: Tell your players on special teams to tackle the guy running with the ball, not bounce off of him ala Manu Ginobli.
9. CONTRARY TO WHAT YOU GUYS MAY BELIEVE, IT IS NOT CONSIDERED A NICE GESTURE TO CONTINUALLY GIVE THE OTHER TEAM THE BALL.
The Cowboys have a -6 turnover ratio so far this season. No team can be expected to win when they keep coughing up the ball. This one goes to you especially, Marion Barber: It’s called STICK’EM. LOOK INTO IT!!!!
8. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE LEAGUE’S MOST DOMINATING OFFENSIVE LINE?
The Cowboys have the second largest offensive line in the NFL, averaging 322 lbs a piece. Last year, they were clearly the most dominant as Tony Romo was consistently seen running over to the vendor in the stands and ordering a hot dog, then pulling out his cell phone to text Jessica each time before he threw the ball. Now, it seems like he’s running for his life after every snap. OMG! WTF??
7. INJURIES, INJURIES, SON OF A BITCH MORE INJURIES!
This is where I’m a little prone to give the Cowboys a break.(No pun intended) Kind of hard to win without your Pro Bowl Quarterback, your starting Left Guard, your superstar back-up running back/special teams ace, your Pro Bowl cornerback, your Pro Bowl safety, your back-up safety, your Pro Bowl punter, and your stud 1rst round pick back-up linebacker. As I’m typing this I think I just heard Greg Ellis twist an ankle.
6. THE DEFENSIVE LINE MAKES OPPOSING OFFENSES FEEL ABOUT AS MUCH DOOM AND GLOOM AS THE EASTER BUNNY AND RAINBOW BRITE.
I know that DeMarcus Ware is currently leading the league with 9 sacks, but do we know how many he would have if he stopped letting quarterbacks get out of his arms? 50? 60?? I wish the “muffed sack” were an official NFL stat, because I’m sure the Cowboys have already broken the NFL record after just 7 games. At least we could celebrate that.
5. RED JESUS LOOKS MORE THIS YEAR LIKE LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD…AS SHE’S GETTING HER ASS KICKED!
Jason “Red Jesus” Garret is the most highly paid coordinator/assistant coach in the league. He is actually making more money than three head coaches. And all of this is based on one season of work. He was brilliant last year, but this year he seems to be sleep walking through the season. Do I run the ball? Do I not run the ball? It’s really not that hard of a question! And by the way, are we sure he’s not struggling on Sundays because he was up all night Saturday singing cover for a cross-dressing band at a gay lounge? He looks like he’s wearing mascara every game! Look this Sunday, you’ll see what I’m talking about.
4. JERRY JONES IS ONLY THREE SEMESTERS AWAY FROM GRADUATING THE AL DAVIS SCHOOL OF HOW TO COMPLETELY F*CK UP AN NFL FRANCHISE.
He hired a coach simply because he knows that coach will not stand up to him. He keeps throwing money at the problem, i.e. offensive Roy Williams. He keeps reminding the players that HE’s in control, not the coach. And he can’t seem to figure out that Popcorn does not a three squares a day make.
3. T.O. NEEDS TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT GETTING THE BALL AND START WORRYING ABOUT GETTING OPEN.
This one is a no-brainer. I know he keeps blaming double and triple coverage, but come on. We all know the truth, T.O. You don’t like getting bumped at the line of scrimmage because you’re a pansy! When you get bumped at the line of scrimmage, and there is a safety 30 yds down field, that’s not double coverage! That’s you being a pansy! Now stop being a pansy! Stop it!
2. THE SECONDARY COVERS OPPOSING OFFENSES ABOUT AS CONSISTENTLY AS BRITNEY SPEARS COVERS HER WHO-WHO!
This is probably the most painful one to watch each week. Every time, and I mean EVERY TIME they’ve got their opponents at third and long, somehow a wide receiver seems to get open 25 yards down the field. How is this even possible? What are these guys doing back there? I know Terrence Newman is hurt, but it wasn’t any different the two games he was there. I know Pac Man is out making it rain some place but it wasn’t any different when he was in there either. The Cowboys need to start pulling people in off the street and giving them a try. Hell, it couldn’t possibly be any worse!
And the #1 reason the Dallas Cowboys will not make the post season this year…
I don’t need to say anything more. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go throw up.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Cowboys/Giants
I just wanted to weigh in on a little debate that is going on out there in the sporting/cyber world.
Almost every sports site has the Cowboys ranked #1 in the power rankings, with the Giants “a very close second”. Foxsports.com even has the Giants ranked in first place with the Cowboys at #2.
Let’s look at the facts.
Both teams are 3-0, however the Cowboys beat the Browns, the Eagles, and the Packers, while the Giants have beaten the Redskins, the Rams, and the Bengals.
The combined record of the Cowboys’ opponents not including the three games against the Cowboys is 4-2. The combined record of the Giants’ opponents not including the three games against the Giants is 2-4. All three teams the Cowboys played were previously undefeated at the time the ‘boys played them, while all three opponents the Giants have faced were previously winless at the time the G-men played.
The Giants struggled against the virtually comotose Bengals while the only team the Cowboys struggled against was the Eagles. The Eagles, who blew out the Rams 38-3, and made the mighty Steelers, look like a sandlot team.
I know, I know, there is a thing to be said about chalk talk, and what actually happens on the field. And there is the old moniker, “that’s why they play the game.”
But anyone who ranks the Giants higher or even says the Giants are a “close second” is smoking something. The Giants may be the second best team, but the gap between #1 and #2 is bigger than the state of Texas. The Cowboys have a “pick your poison” offense.
Gonna double team T.O.? Fine, will just throw a 50 yard bomb to Austin.
Gonna double team Austin and T.O.? Meet Mister Witten.
Gonna send in all of your DB’s to stop T.O., Austin, and Witten? The Barbarian will just run it down your throat!
Think you can smash him up? Just try to catch Felix!
And don’t even think about getting past this offensive line!
And the Defense is no slouch either, as they showed Sunday night, giving Rodgers all kinds of fits, and sacking the extremely mobile quarterback 5 times! This finally looks like a classic Wade Phillips defense, and they’re going to give opposing offenses hell all year long.
Keyshawn Johnson came close to saying it last night on Sportscenter, and I think the way they made the Packers (who were supposed to win that game, by the way) look like they weren’t even playing in the same league, I think it’s time for us Cowboys fans to start thinking big. Like real big.
Not quite ready to say it yet… but: 16 and….
(By the way, don't let the lack of blowout wins frighten you. The Cowboys could have easily beaten the Browns by 4 or 5 touchdowns, and could've beaten the Packers by 3 or 4. Not all coaches believe in running up the score. *Cough.Bill Belichick.Cough*)
Almost every sports site has the Cowboys ranked #1 in the power rankings, with the Giants “a very close second”. Foxsports.com even has the Giants ranked in first place with the Cowboys at #2.
Let’s look at the facts.
Both teams are 3-0, however the Cowboys beat the Browns, the Eagles, and the Packers, while the Giants have beaten the Redskins, the Rams, and the Bengals.
The combined record of the Cowboys’ opponents not including the three games against the Cowboys is 4-2. The combined record of the Giants’ opponents not including the three games against the Giants is 2-4. All three teams the Cowboys played were previously undefeated at the time the ‘boys played them, while all three opponents the Giants have faced were previously winless at the time the G-men played.
The Giants struggled against the virtually comotose Bengals while the only team the Cowboys struggled against was the Eagles. The Eagles, who blew out the Rams 38-3, and made the mighty Steelers, look like a sandlot team.
I know, I know, there is a thing to be said about chalk talk, and what actually happens on the field. And there is the old moniker, “that’s why they play the game.”
But anyone who ranks the Giants higher or even says the Giants are a “close second” is smoking something. The Giants may be the second best team, but the gap between #1 and #2 is bigger than the state of Texas. The Cowboys have a “pick your poison” offense.
Gonna double team T.O.? Fine, will just throw a 50 yard bomb to Austin.
Gonna double team Austin and T.O.? Meet Mister Witten.
Gonna send in all of your DB’s to stop T.O., Austin, and Witten? The Barbarian will just run it down your throat!
Think you can smash him up? Just try to catch Felix!
And don’t even think about getting past this offensive line!
And the Defense is no slouch either, as they showed Sunday night, giving Rodgers all kinds of fits, and sacking the extremely mobile quarterback 5 times! This finally looks like a classic Wade Phillips defense, and they’re going to give opposing offenses hell all year long.
Keyshawn Johnson came close to saying it last night on Sportscenter, and I think the way they made the Packers (who were supposed to win that game, by the way) look like they weren’t even playing in the same league, I think it’s time for us Cowboys fans to start thinking big. Like real big.
Not quite ready to say it yet… but: 16 and….
(By the way, don't let the lack of blowout wins frighten you. The Cowboys could have easily beaten the Browns by 4 or 5 touchdowns, and could've beaten the Packers by 3 or 4. Not all coaches believe in running up the score. *Cough.Bill Belichick.Cough*)
Friday, July 11, 2008
Fun with Vinny
With the NFL season fast approaching, I saw this as an opportune time to play everyone’s favorite annual game, “Pick the Return of Vinny!”
In “Pick the Return of Vinny” you get to place bets* on when Vinny Testaverde will get up off of what seems to be the world’s most uncomfortable couch, call an NFL team, and start that following Sunday.
The game works by me giving you the odds, and you can send in the money to place your bet*. All bets* must be placed and all funds must be received by Thursday, July 24th, the day before NFL training camps begin.
You can send the money for your bets* to:
James Westfall
Wichita Falls, TX 76308
Odds on when Vinny will come back:
1000 to 1: By the start of the playoffs.
750 to 1: By the end of training camp.
600 to 1: Week 8.
500 to 1: When Eli realizes that there are so many more important things to life than football. (Like having his new wife touch his genitalia. Obviously a completely new concept to him.)
400 to 1: Before Brett Favre.
300 to 1: When Jon Gruden finally takes over the world with his army of backup quarterbacks.
200 to 1: When Tom Brady sprains his thumb, leading Bill Belichick to rip off his remaining quarterbacks’ heads, and eat out their souls out of pure anger.
100 to 1: The Bears’ third practice.
50 to 1: The Bears’ second practice.
1 to 1: The Bears’ first practice.
1 to 10: Before Rex Grossman ever gets on the plane.
1 to 100: As soon as Lovie Smith reads this blog and remembers that his options at quarterback are Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton.
Odds on who Vinny will play for:
1000 to 1: The Patriots
975 to 1: The Colts
950 to 1: The Cowboys
300 to 1: The Panthers
100 to 1: The Giants
50 to 1: The Packers
1 to 1: The Buccaneers
1 to 1000: The Raiders
1 to 100,000,000: The Bears
Remember to get your bets* in before the start of training camp.
Have fun and good luck!
*All money sent in for bets will not be actual bets so much as they will be fees for the fun and enjoyment of playing the game. Make all checks payable to James Westfall, and add as many zeros as you can fit in the little box. If you bet correctly, you will not be sent any winnings, but will forever have the satisfaction of knowing that you won. And every man truly believes that that is the most important thing in life. Except of course, for Eli.
In “Pick the Return of Vinny” you get to place bets* on when Vinny Testaverde will get up off of what seems to be the world’s most uncomfortable couch, call an NFL team, and start that following Sunday.
The game works by me giving you the odds, and you can send in the money to place your bet*. All bets* must be placed and all funds must be received by Thursday, July 24th, the day before NFL training camps begin.
You can send the money for your bets* to:
James Westfall
Wichita Falls, TX 76308
Odds on when Vinny will come back:
1000 to 1: By the start of the playoffs.
750 to 1: By the end of training camp.
600 to 1: Week 8.
500 to 1: When Eli realizes that there are so many more important things to life than football. (Like having his new wife touch his genitalia. Obviously a completely new concept to him.)
400 to 1: Before Brett Favre.
300 to 1: When Jon Gruden finally takes over the world with his army of backup quarterbacks.
200 to 1: When Tom Brady sprains his thumb, leading Bill Belichick to rip off his remaining quarterbacks’ heads, and eat out their souls out of pure anger.
100 to 1: The Bears’ third practice.
50 to 1: The Bears’ second practice.
1 to 1: The Bears’ first practice.
1 to 10: Before Rex Grossman ever gets on the plane.
1 to 100: As soon as Lovie Smith reads this blog and remembers that his options at quarterback are Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton.
Odds on who Vinny will play for:
1000 to 1: The Patriots
975 to 1: The Colts
950 to 1: The Cowboys
300 to 1: The Panthers
100 to 1: The Giants
50 to 1: The Packers
1 to 1: The Buccaneers
1 to 1000: The Raiders
1 to 100,000,000: The Bears
Remember to get your bets* in before the start of training camp.
Have fun and good luck!
*All money sent in for bets will not be actual bets so much as they will be fees for the fun and enjoyment of playing the game. Make all checks payable to James Westfall, and add as many zeros as you can fit in the little box. If you bet correctly, you will not be sent any winnings, but will forever have the satisfaction of knowing that you won. And every man truly believes that that is the most important thing in life. Except of course, for Eli.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
