No Powerade slight-of-hand here!
Friday, April 4, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Complaint Box. Form 1032
Form 1032
Subject: Women's College Basketball
Complaint against: ESPN
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing in regards to the constant barrage of Women's College Basketball all over ESPN. I can't even turn it on ESPN without there either being a game on, highlights of a game on, or a panel of people sitting around talking about women's games.
Quit pretending any of us care about the women's playoffs! We don't! None of them can dunk, they don't fly around the court, they don't post each other up and knock each other down...you know, the reasons we ACUTALLY watch college basketball. Sure, I know that any single one of these girls would destroy Noisewater and I in a game of 2 on 1. But, that's just my point! I just talked about Noisewater and I going 2 on 1 with a chick and I didn't even get excited! That's just not right! These girls are butt-ugly. If I don't enjoy the basketball action when I'm watching it, the least you could do is make the players hot. Hell, women's college softball players are at least hot enough to make me watch for about a half hour until I realize "Good Eats" is on.
So now the Women's final four is coming up. So What! Nobody cares! Damn you, ESPN, I just want to watch Sportscenter and not hear about the women's final four. Is that too much to ask? Everytime it's on, we gotta look at that panel of four chicks talking about the women's tournament. Yes, I know the blonde one is really hot, but come on. All she does is talk about women's college basketball! Think about it. Remember when you were in college, and you went on a date with that smoking hot babe, and all she did was talk about women's rights, and how it's unfair that men make more money than women all night? Did you call her back even if you thought you could get laid?
Well, yeah, I did too. But it still sucked when she talked!
All I'm saying is... please, ESPN, for the love of all mankind, STOP WITH THE DAMN WOMEN'S COLLEGE BASKETBALL. WE DON'T CARE!!!!
Thank you for your time.
James Westfall
Subject: Women's College Basketball
Complaint against: ESPN
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing in regards to the constant barrage of Women's College Basketball all over ESPN. I can't even turn it on ESPN without there either being a game on, highlights of a game on, or a panel of people sitting around talking about women's games.
Quit pretending any of us care about the women's playoffs! We don't! None of them can dunk, they don't fly around the court, they don't post each other up and knock each other down...you know, the reasons we ACUTALLY watch college basketball. Sure, I know that any single one of these girls would destroy Noisewater and I in a game of 2 on 1. But, that's just my point! I just talked about Noisewater and I going 2 on 1 with a chick and I didn't even get excited! That's just not right! These girls are butt-ugly. If I don't enjoy the basketball action when I'm watching it, the least you could do is make the players hot. Hell, women's college softball players are at least hot enough to make me watch for about a half hour until I realize "Good Eats" is on.
So now the Women's final four is coming up. So What! Nobody cares! Damn you, ESPN, I just want to watch Sportscenter and not hear about the women's final four. Is that too much to ask? Everytime it's on, we gotta look at that panel of four chicks talking about the women's tournament. Yes, I know the blonde one is really hot, but come on. All she does is talk about women's college basketball! Think about it. Remember when you were in college, and you went on a date with that smoking hot babe, and all she did was talk about women's rights, and how it's unfair that men make more money than women all night? Did you call her back even if you thought you could get laid?
Well, yeah, I did too. But it still sucked when she talked!
All I'm saying is... please, ESPN, for the love of all mankind, STOP WITH THE DAMN WOMEN'S COLLEGE BASKETBALL. WE DON'T CARE!!!!
Thank you for your time.
James Westfall
Special Guest Speaker
Hi, sports fans.
James Westfall here. In light of recent statements released by the Hamilton County Police Dept., I thought that I would take this time to comment on Bengals wideout, Chris Henry. Instead, however, I have decided to turn over the floor to a new speaker at the Sports Octagon, but a great blogger, and dear friend of mine....Mr. "The Romo Sexual"
So, without further adieu, ladies and gentleman...The Romo Sexual...
Thank you, Thank you.
Thank you Mr. Westfall, Thank you fine constituents, Thank you adoring fans.
My name is The Romo Sexual, however you may better know me as the best player to never win the No Touching of the Hair of Face title. Or make the playoffs. Or make it out of last place in my division.
At any rate, I have felt a deep sorrow over the past season, that I repeatedly displayed to you in my weekly blog, "Romo's Weekly Picks." A pain I felt deep, deep down in my soul, almost as if my heart were bleeding from the inside out, or I had just eaten a bowl of Skyline chilli.
The Cincinati Bengals were playing it straight and narrow. No arrests, no holdouts, no gentleman's night club incidents, no nothing. Just a pathetic losing season. And while that is fun, it's just not quite the same.
However, here is this mornings headline, "An arrest warrant has been issued for Bengals Wide Receive Chris Henry for punching an 18 year old man in the face and for breaking his car window with a beer bottle." Chris Henry, as we all know, spent half of last season suspended by the NFL, and is the player who really started the "Cincinatti Jailbirds" bit that we have all come to know and love. (Or that I have come to say and love, and shoved down your throats at nauseu.) On top of that, Chad Johnson, the mohawked face of the Bengals' organization for the past few seasons, is threatning to hold out at the start of the '08 season because he "doesn't feel appreciated".
What all of this means is...
(pause for silent weeping of joy)
...what all of this means is that the Bengals are back to their old selves and I have got (sniff) I have got loads and loads of good joke material to last throughout next season. I often found myself getting depressed last season, afterall what is fun about posting an NFL blog if you can't talk about a Bengal being arrested? But now, it's as though order finally has been restored to the universe! (Sorry, Hank.)
And with that, I will leave you with these parting words... to the good people of Baltimore, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Houston, Indianapolis, Dallas, and New York, lock your windows, barricade your doors, don't leave your house flashing your bling, keep your car alarms on at all times, and most importantly, keep your teenage daughters locked in the basement. Because you better watch out, you better not slip....the Cincinatti Jailbirds are com'n to town!
-The Romo Sexual
James Westfall here. In light of recent statements released by the Hamilton County Police Dept., I thought that I would take this time to comment on Bengals wideout, Chris Henry. Instead, however, I have decided to turn over the floor to a new speaker at the Sports Octagon, but a great blogger, and dear friend of mine....Mr. "The Romo Sexual"
So, without further adieu, ladies and gentleman...The Romo Sexual...
Thank you, Thank you.
Thank you Mr. Westfall, Thank you fine constituents, Thank you adoring fans.
My name is The Romo Sexual, however you may better know me as the best player to never win the No Touching of the Hair of Face title. Or make the playoffs. Or make it out of last place in my division.
At any rate, I have felt a deep sorrow over the past season, that I repeatedly displayed to you in my weekly blog, "Romo's Weekly Picks." A pain I felt deep, deep down in my soul, almost as if my heart were bleeding from the inside out, or I had just eaten a bowl of Skyline chilli.
The Cincinati Bengals were playing it straight and narrow. No arrests, no holdouts, no gentleman's night club incidents, no nothing. Just a pathetic losing season. And while that is fun, it's just not quite the same.
However, here is this mornings headline, "An arrest warrant has been issued for Bengals Wide Receive Chris Henry for punching an 18 year old man in the face and for breaking his car window with a beer bottle." Chris Henry, as we all know, spent half of last season suspended by the NFL, and is the player who really started the "Cincinatti Jailbirds" bit that we have all come to know and love. (Or that I have come to say and love, and shoved down your throats at nauseu.) On top of that, Chad Johnson, the mohawked face of the Bengals' organization for the past few seasons, is threatning to hold out at the start of the '08 season because he "doesn't feel appreciated".
What all of this means is...
(pause for silent weeping of joy)
...what all of this means is that the Bengals are back to their old selves and I have got (sniff) I have got loads and loads of good joke material to last throughout next season. I often found myself getting depressed last season, afterall what is fun about posting an NFL blog if you can't talk about a Bengal being arrested? But now, it's as though order finally has been restored to the universe! (Sorry, Hank.)
And with that, I will leave you with these parting words... to the good people of Baltimore, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Houston, Indianapolis, Dallas, and New York, lock your windows, barricade your doors, don't leave your house flashing your bling, keep your car alarms on at all times, and most importantly, keep your teenage daughters locked in the basement. Because you better watch out, you better not slip....the Cincinatti Jailbirds are com'n to town!
-The Romo Sexual
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Rangers, PLAY BALL!!
Well, if you actually stayed up and watched the game till the end last night, you can’t help but not know how the hell you should feel about this team.
Good points:
1. Kevin Milwood goes 6 innings, with a 0.00 ERA.
2. Vicente Padilla goes 6 innings, with a 1.50 ERA.
3. Josh Hamilton looks like he can not only rake, but he’s a hell of an outfielder as well.
4. Milton Bradley looks like he’s going to be very solid at the plate, and he didn’t even bite the first night when an ump blew a call against him, and then the ump even chased him over to first base trying to antagonize him. (Bud Selig needs to fine the hell out of that ump, by the way, but I guess he’s got other things on his mind, like convincing congress to misremember the last 10 years of MLB.)
Bad points:
1. Rangers’ infield has 5 errors in the first two games, which led to 6 un-earned runs. Meaning of the 9 runs Seattle scored in the first two games, only 3 have been earned.
2. With the exception of his solo homer his first at-bat of the first game, Michael Young has been absolutely atrocious. 2 errors which have led to 2 un-earned runs, hit into 2 rally-ending double plays, and struck out twice.
3. As it is with all successful off-season veteran acquisitions the Rangers pick up, Josh Hamilton and Milton Bradley will be gone by the trade deadline, especially if they continue to produce.
Again, it’s all in how you look at it. You have to believe that the infield, Michael Young especially, is not going to continue to commit costly errors. However, you also have to believe that the starting pitching is NOT going to continue giving you an average of 6 innings with a 0.75 ERA. The former NL Rookie of the Year, Jason Jennings, starts tonight and it will be interesting to see how he performs. If he looks good, you can throw him on that train with Hamilton and Bradley to be out of here by the deadline, and if he’s horrible, he’s ours for good.
Oh well, what this all amounts to is it looks like it’s going to be just another season of baseball in north Texas, with the best aspect of it being that it gives you a legitimate excuse to drink beer 6 nights a week.
Good points:
1. Kevin Milwood goes 6 innings, with a 0.00 ERA.
2. Vicente Padilla goes 6 innings, with a 1.50 ERA.
3. Josh Hamilton looks like he can not only rake, but he’s a hell of an outfielder as well.
4. Milton Bradley looks like he’s going to be very solid at the plate, and he didn’t even bite the first night when an ump blew a call against him, and then the ump even chased him over to first base trying to antagonize him. (Bud Selig needs to fine the hell out of that ump, by the way, but I guess he’s got other things on his mind, like convincing congress to misremember the last 10 years of MLB.)
Bad points:
1. Rangers’ infield has 5 errors in the first two games, which led to 6 un-earned runs. Meaning of the 9 runs Seattle scored in the first two games, only 3 have been earned.
2. With the exception of his solo homer his first at-bat of the first game, Michael Young has been absolutely atrocious. 2 errors which have led to 2 un-earned runs, hit into 2 rally-ending double plays, and struck out twice.
3. As it is with all successful off-season veteran acquisitions the Rangers pick up, Josh Hamilton and Milton Bradley will be gone by the trade deadline, especially if they continue to produce.
Again, it’s all in how you look at it. You have to believe that the infield, Michael Young especially, is not going to continue to commit costly errors. However, you also have to believe that the starting pitching is NOT going to continue giving you an average of 6 innings with a 0.75 ERA. The former NL Rookie of the Year, Jason Jennings, starts tonight and it will be interesting to see how he performs. If he looks good, you can throw him on that train with Hamilton and Bradley to be out of here by the deadline, and if he’s horrible, he’s ours for good.
Oh well, what this all amounts to is it looks like it’s going to be just another season of baseball in north Texas, with the best aspect of it being that it gives you a legitimate excuse to drink beer 6 nights a week.
Bring On College Football
After the Astros 2nd pathetic output, I started looking towards the football season. Its a bit early but I (he says with tongue firmly implanted in cheek) have put out my preseason rankings.
Click here to view.
Click here to view.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Betting the NCAA Tournament
I'm a Houston Cougar, so I have no reason to ever look forward to the NCAA basketball post-season. So, my buddies and I have to find other reasons to make the tourney that much more interesting. C'mon, who doesn't bet brackets anyway?
We have brackets, but we also add a little something extra to it. The four of us: DJ, Sphincter, Meatball, and myself went to day 1 of the South regional last week with a fist full of singles. We bet on anything that comes to mind. I decided to jot a few down for posterity.
1. The first team to hit the court after halftime
2. A team would finish with an even number of points
3. MSU would not score again with 3:54 left in the first half (this paid!)
4. First 3-pointer made
5. From the women's side: An Aggie player will show "brain" before a Duke player
6. The team that would get the most FT attempts
7. Next guy on the line, misses the first
8. Which team scores first in either half
9. First team to double digits
I think you get the idea. Its especially fun when the game is in a blow out (which both were) and your little group is screaming an hollering on every play, with no apparent allegiance. Ah, good times.
We have brackets, but we also add a little something extra to it. The four of us: DJ, Sphincter, Meatball, and myself went to day 1 of the South regional last week with a fist full of singles. We bet on anything that comes to mind. I decided to jot a few down for posterity.
1. The first team to hit the court after halftime
2. A team would finish with an even number of points
3. MSU would not score again with 3:54 left in the first half (this paid!)
4. First 3-pointer made
5. From the women's side: An Aggie player will show "brain" before a Duke player
6. The team that would get the most FT attempts
7. Next guy on the line, misses the first
8. Which team scores first in either half
9. First team to double digits
I think you get the idea. Its especially fun when the game is in a blow out (which both were) and your little group is screaming an hollering on every play, with no apparent allegiance. Ah, good times.
New Season; Same 'ol Sh!t
So, I grab a six-pack and sit down in front of my TV for the day-long event known as "Opening Day" for Major League Baseball. With hopes renewed and dreaming of a pennant for either Texas team, I crack open my first beer.
First up, the Texas Rangers. Ranger's ace Kevin Millwood faced the Seattle Mariners. I enjoyed five beautiful innings of shut-out ball and then ... Fuk -u-mori happened. Who is this guy and why does he hold a MLB roster spot? He quickly gets the first guy out followed by: walk, single, wild pitch, walk, wild pitch, and double. 3 runs scored ruining any comeback.
Redemption time! Roy O vs. Triple A team San Diego. Quick, name 2 position guys that play for the Padres. Times up! Why is it that the Astros are the only team in the majors that can't hit a good pitcher? (Spoiler Alert) the Astros CAN'T hit the slider away! Here is a good tip if you're betting this season. When the Astros are facing a pitcher for the first time, take the other team and lay the runs. GUARANTEED winner. You fans know what I'm talking about.
Its still early in the season, but I already see the same 'ol writing on the wall. Rangers can't pitch and Astros can't supply run support. At least I got drunk.
First up, the Texas Rangers. Ranger's ace Kevin Millwood faced the Seattle Mariners. I enjoyed five beautiful innings of shut-out ball and then ... Fuk -u-mori happened. Who is this guy and why does he hold a MLB roster spot? He quickly gets the first guy out followed by: walk, single, wild pitch, walk, wild pitch, and double. 3 runs scored ruining any comeback.
Redemption time! Roy O vs. Triple A team San Diego. Quick, name 2 position guys that play for the Padres. Times up! Why is it that the Astros are the only team in the majors that can't hit a good pitcher? (Spoiler Alert) the Astros CAN'T hit the slider away! Here is a good tip if you're betting this season. When the Astros are facing a pitcher for the first time, take the other team and lay the runs. GUARANTEED winner. You fans know what I'm talking about.
Its still early in the season, but I already see the same 'ol writing on the wall. Rangers can't pitch and Astros can't supply run support. At least I got drunk.
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