A Calming Effect

This, as reported on ESPN.com:

Would things have played out differently if Ricky Williams had been on Cedric Benson's boat earlier this month? Williams told the Austin American-Statesman for Thursday's editions that he declined an invitation from Benson to spend a Saturday on Benson's boat in Lake Travis, Texas.
Williams told the American-Statesman that things would have played out differently if he had been on Benson's boat.

"I think if I had come down, things might have worked out a little bit differently," Williams, who is entering the final year of his contract with the Dolphins, told the newspaper. "I find I have a calming influence on people I'm around."

This got me thinking about what might just have gone down if Ricky Williams and his “calming influence” had been aboard…

Colorado River Authority #1: Excuse me son, I’m going to need you to step over here.
Benson: What’s the problem ossifer?
Colorado River Authority #1: Have you been drinking, son?
Benson: I ain’t yo son, man.
Colorado River Authority #2: He didn’t ask if you were his son. He asked you if you had been drinking!
(The door from below deck opens, and a magical, mystical cloud of smoke arises. Out comes no other than, Ricky Williams.)
Williams: Yo, man. What’s happenin?
Colorado River Authority # 1: My god, son. You’re on fire!
Williams: Naw, man. That’s just my cloud of love that follows me everywhere I go.
CRA # 2: (Holding up a flashlight) You’re eyes are blood-red. Have you been doing drugs down in there?
Williams: Look, fellas. Why don’t we all just discuss this like civil adults over a batch of my 'Ricky Williams Happy Brownies'.
CRA #1: Well, it has been a long night, and I’m all out of doughnuts.
CRA #2: Yeah, and I’ve gotta go to my girlfriends house after I get off, and I can’t eat anything over there, so what the hell?
(Each man has a brownie)

Flash forward to 2 hours later:

All four men, Benson, Williams, and the two Colorado River Authority Agents are sitting in a pile on the deck of Benson’s boat. They all have fudge and brownie crumbs on their faces, and they are all laughing hysterically.

CRA # 1: You know, Ricky, you’re all right.
CRA #2: Yeah. Hey, Ced, sorry to hear your coach is such a bitch, man.
(More Laughter)
Benson: That’s cool, man.
CRA #1: Hey, guys. I’ve got a confession to make. I only pulled your boat over because you’re all black!
(Huge roar of laughter)
CRA #2: I’ve got a confession. My girlfriend I go to see each night when I get off…(to Authority Agent #1) it’s really your wife!
(Raucous laughter)
CRA #2: And believe me…I DO get off!!!
(Laughter continues)
CRA #1: That’s okay, when you’re at my house sleeping with my wife, I’m at your house banging your 15 year old daughter!
(Tumultuous laughter)
CRA #1: She had to have three abortions just last month!
(Roaring laughter)
CRA #2: This has been great. I love you guys.
CRA #1: Yeah, thanks, Ricky. Thanks, Ced. You guys are the best.
Williams: The Cloud of Love has once again bestowed upon us a calming influence.
(More laughter)
CRA #1: I don’t know what the hell you just said, but pass me another brownie, brownie.
(Raging laughter)

Join us next time for another exciting episode of Ricky Williams and the Cloud of Love, brought to you in part, by Ricky’s calming influence.