I Want to be an ESPN Employee

Ever wondered what it takes to be a sports broadcaster for ESPN? Well, I did too. And after a slow summer on the blog network, I decided to turn in my application for employment.

Unfortunately, after reading the application I came to the deciscion that ESPN is not the place for me.

Here is the copy of the app:


Application for employment for ESPN, ESPN.com, or the ESPN family of Radio Stations

Part 1: Who are You?

Name:_________________________________________________________________
Address:______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

Part 2: References

Please list at least two qualified references for ESPN to contact.

Name(s) ______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Addresses___________________________ _____________________________
___________________________ _____________________________
___________________________ _____________________________

Part 3: Aptitude

Please circle the answer to each question that best suits you.

1. My favorite television station is:
a. ESPN b. I think I’ve picked the wrong career choice.

2. My favorite website is:
a. ESPN.com b. TMZ.com c. a and b d. Which way is the exit?

3. Would I consider myself a member of the all powerful RedSox Nation?
a. golly, would I ???? b. This may have been a mistake

4. Brett Favre’s constant retirement/un-retirement makes me feel:
a. giddy, even though I’ll pretend that it’s irritating. b. Thank you for your time

5. I believe the ranking of powerhouse conferences in college football are:
a. The Pac 10 and then everybody else. b. I’ll just show myself to the door.

6. My thoughts on the “East Coast Bias”:
a. Totally justified, but I love acting like it bothers me. b. I see this is a mistake.

7. If I ever heard that Lindsay Lohan hooked up with ARod at club Pure, I would:
a. Cream my pants b. Eww, can you even put that on an application?

8. I believe that the creator of the heavens and the earth is:
a. Jim Brown b. Seriously, I have somewhere I need to be

9. I feel that all Dallas based sports franchises are:
a. Pathetic, disgusting, and always open to ridicule. b. That’s enough, goodbye.

10. I believe the WNBA and women’s college basketball are:
a. exhilarating, and the players are hott b. Look, my pen is out of ink, can I go now?

Thank you for your application, you will be notified promptly