It has now been officially 24 hours since the release of the NFL regular season schedule, and I would like to point out a couple of interesting tidbits I gathered from the Dallas Cowboys' schedule:
1. The Cowboys are better than the Bengals.
2. Chad Johnson wants out of Cincy.
3. Who can blame him?
4. I'm 94% certain that 76% of the Cincinnati population likes members of the same sex.
5. Chad Johnson will probably be playing for the Cowboys in '08.
6. The Cowboys were already better than the Bengals, with Ocho Cinco they'll just be ridiculously good.
7. The Bengals suck.
8. A study by the National Journal of all things that Suck suggests that all Cincinnati Bengals fans are related.
9. That's right. If you like the Bengals, your father is probably your uncle and brother.
10. And sister.
11. What the hell were we talking about?
12. Oh yeah, the Cowboys are gonna beat the sh%t out of the Bengals on October 5th!!!!!!
Showing posts with label Chad Johnson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chad Johnson. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Special Guest Speaker
Hi, sports fans.
James Westfall here. In light of recent statements released by the Hamilton County Police Dept., I thought that I would take this time to comment on Bengals wideout, Chris Henry. Instead, however, I have decided to turn over the floor to a new speaker at the Sports Octagon, but a great blogger, and dear friend of mine....Mr. "The Romo Sexual"
So, without further adieu, ladies and gentleman...The Romo Sexual...
Thank you, Thank you.
Thank you Mr. Westfall, Thank you fine constituents, Thank you adoring fans.
My name is The Romo Sexual, however you may better know me as the best player to never win the No Touching of the Hair of Face title. Or make the playoffs. Or make it out of last place in my division.
At any rate, I have felt a deep sorrow over the past season, that I repeatedly displayed to you in my weekly blog, "Romo's Weekly Picks." A pain I felt deep, deep down in my soul, almost as if my heart were bleeding from the inside out, or I had just eaten a bowl of Skyline chilli.
The Cincinati Bengals were playing it straight and narrow. No arrests, no holdouts, no gentleman's night club incidents, no nothing. Just a pathetic losing season. And while that is fun, it's just not quite the same.
However, here is this mornings headline, "An arrest warrant has been issued for Bengals Wide Receive Chris Henry for punching an 18 year old man in the face and for breaking his car window with a beer bottle." Chris Henry, as we all know, spent half of last season suspended by the NFL, and is the player who really started the "Cincinatti Jailbirds" bit that we have all come to know and love. (Or that I have come to say and love, and shoved down your throats at nauseu.) On top of that, Chad Johnson, the mohawked face of the Bengals' organization for the past few seasons, is threatning to hold out at the start of the '08 season because he "doesn't feel appreciated".
What all of this means is...
(pause for silent weeping of joy)
...what all of this means is that the Bengals are back to their old selves and I have got (sniff) I have got loads and loads of good joke material to last throughout next season. I often found myself getting depressed last season, afterall what is fun about posting an NFL blog if you can't talk about a Bengal being arrested? But now, it's as though order finally has been restored to the universe! (Sorry, Hank.)
And with that, I will leave you with these parting words... to the good people of Baltimore, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Houston, Indianapolis, Dallas, and New York, lock your windows, barricade your doors, don't leave your house flashing your bling, keep your car alarms on at all times, and most importantly, keep your teenage daughters locked in the basement. Because you better watch out, you better not slip....the Cincinatti Jailbirds are com'n to town!
-The Romo Sexual
James Westfall here. In light of recent statements released by the Hamilton County Police Dept., I thought that I would take this time to comment on Bengals wideout, Chris Henry. Instead, however, I have decided to turn over the floor to a new speaker at the Sports Octagon, but a great blogger, and dear friend of mine....Mr. "The Romo Sexual"
So, without further adieu, ladies and gentleman...The Romo Sexual...
Thank you, Thank you.
Thank you Mr. Westfall, Thank you fine constituents, Thank you adoring fans.
My name is The Romo Sexual, however you may better know me as the best player to never win the No Touching of the Hair of Face title. Or make the playoffs. Or make it out of last place in my division.
At any rate, I have felt a deep sorrow over the past season, that I repeatedly displayed to you in my weekly blog, "Romo's Weekly Picks." A pain I felt deep, deep down in my soul, almost as if my heart were bleeding from the inside out, or I had just eaten a bowl of Skyline chilli.
The Cincinati Bengals were playing it straight and narrow. No arrests, no holdouts, no gentleman's night club incidents, no nothing. Just a pathetic losing season. And while that is fun, it's just not quite the same.
However, here is this mornings headline, "An arrest warrant has been issued for Bengals Wide Receive Chris Henry for punching an 18 year old man in the face and for breaking his car window with a beer bottle." Chris Henry, as we all know, spent half of last season suspended by the NFL, and is the player who really started the "Cincinatti Jailbirds" bit that we have all come to know and love. (Or that I have come to say and love, and shoved down your throats at nauseu.) On top of that, Chad Johnson, the mohawked face of the Bengals' organization for the past few seasons, is threatning to hold out at the start of the '08 season because he "doesn't feel appreciated".
What all of this means is...
(pause for silent weeping of joy)
...what all of this means is that the Bengals are back to their old selves and I have got (sniff) I have got loads and loads of good joke material to last throughout next season. I often found myself getting depressed last season, afterall what is fun about posting an NFL blog if you can't talk about a Bengal being arrested? But now, it's as though order finally has been restored to the universe! (Sorry, Hank.)
And with that, I will leave you with these parting words... to the good people of Baltimore, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Houston, Indianapolis, Dallas, and New York, lock your windows, barricade your doors, don't leave your house flashing your bling, keep your car alarms on at all times, and most importantly, keep your teenage daughters locked in the basement. Because you better watch out, you better not slip....the Cincinatti Jailbirds are com'n to town!
-The Romo Sexual
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