10 Things 'Mello Thought he thought while he wasn't thinking when he got pulled over for D.U.I.

10. I went 3 for 14 today. Time to get loaded on peach-schnapps flavored ‘Boones.

9. Wait. I’m rich now. I don’t need to be drinking ‘Boones. Hey fellas, ‘round of Taaka Vodka on me!

8. Yo, Jim Boeheim was a jackass! Just another whitey trying to hold a brotha’ down. Kind of like Isaiah. Isiah was trying to hold Bill Laimbeer down. I’m glad George Karl’s not white. Damn, this Taaka is good. Yo, barkeep. Slide us another, yo.

7. It was just one game. C’mon, no one is gonna remember just one game. I mean, look at Chris Webber’s career at Michigan. When you think of Chris Webber at Michigan, you think of a long-standing body of work.

6. Speaking of body of work, check out the blonde in the turtleneck. I bet she get’s down.

5. She’s slamin’. I wish Pacman was here, he would make it rain. Unlike me tonight. Or Chris Webber in the ’93 championship game. What a loser. Seriously, who calls a timeout when they don’t have one?

4. Hey, Baby. What’s… happenin? Oh yeah? Damn, girl, you got it goin’ on. How old are you? 17???

3. W.W.A.I.D. What would Allen Iverson do?

2. Oh, you’re only 17? (pulling stack of hundred dollar bills out of pocket and ‘flossing’ them) I’m sorry how old did you say you were? 26? Great, how about a Taaka?

1. I’m sorry officer. I don’t know how I ended up in the driver’s seat of my car as it was traveling 75 miles an hour down Main Street at 4 o’clock in the morning. I think I was being set up. Yeah, that’s it! I was set up by Barron Davis. I mean, c’mon, the dude’s got a beard! Can you really trust a dude in a beard? No, no, I think that’s a really nice beard you’ve got, officer. What I meant to say is, you can’t trust a black man in a beard. You feel me ‘brotha?

“And turn to the left. Hold up the sign. Okay turn to the right. Hold up the sign. Okay, good Mr. Anthony. Officer, please escort Mr. Anthony to cell 14-B.”


I hate Chris Webber.